THINGS I SHOULD HAVE TRIED:

• MT. CLIMBING WOULD HAVE BEEN AN ADVENTURE, BUT I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH.
• I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PSYCHIATRIST, BUT I'M NOT THAT CRAZY.
• I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY EATING THE FIRE-WINGS AT THE BUFFALO WILD WINGS CHALLENGE, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
• I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A PORN STAR, BUT THEY JUST LAUGHED WHEN I UNDRESSED.
• JUMP OFF MAGAZINE MT., THE HIGHEST POINT IN ARKANSAS, AND SOAR LIKE AN EAGLE WITH THOSE WINGS, BUT THAT DOESN'T SEEM SMART.
• I ALWAYS WANTED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT, BUT I'VE ALREADY MENTIONED STUPID AND IDIOT, WHICH RECENTLY SEEM TO BE PREREQUISITES.
• I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER BEING NICE, BUT I DON'T THINK SO.
• I TRIED WALKING ON WATER, BUT IT'S NOT EASY, UNLESS YOU HAPPEN TO BE NEAR THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER.
• I ALWAYS WANTED TO RIDE ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND, BUT THE HORSES LOOK MEAN.