Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Question: Why do you think people run for public office?
Answer: Most of these people have already been truck drivers, parking lot attendants, waitresses, or street line painters. Some have never had to work, their mommies and daddies gave them a lot of money. The only qualifications for most are that they either have to be a Republican or a Democrat, which any numbskull can be.

Question: Is capital punishment a good idea?
Answer: No. The wrong people are always put to death. I don't mean like those people who were found guilty by a jury of their peers who were subsequently found innocent by a bunch of grade school children doing a science project. No, I mean people who are normally executed should be replaced by CEO's who cheat their employees out of their retirement, or military generals who order the bombing of innocent civilians, or white collar businessmen who are the money behind the drug deals, or the politicians who ignore the environment in favor of helping their friends get rich, or school teachers who have sex with students, or parents who beat their kids, or fast food owners who pay minimum wage to their employees, or used car salesmen who sell us a lemon, or any telemarketer, or.......

Question: Is evolution a scientific fact or science fiction?
Answer: If evolution is not science, but science fiction, as preached by creationists, how can you explain New York?

Question: How do you know when drinking has the best of you?
Answer: Answer these two important questions: 1. Do you have control of the drinking or does the drinking have control over you? and 2. Are you spending a lot of time on your back?

Question: Do you think elections are fair? 
Answer: No. They take place during the day, when the working poor have to work. They don't put near enough choices on the ballot. Computers now count most of the ballots, which puts computer geeks in charge. Many of the polling places are in churches, which scares people.
Question: Do you believe there will ever be a nuclear attack on the United States?
Answer: Yes. You can't trust some of these countries. Take for instance Nova Scotia. They are strategically located, have big burly women, and the residents are all real cranky about this time of year. I personally never trusted Alaska. They are located right next to Russia, have a long history of using guns to shot bears, and I do not see it above them to send us missile-nosed Salmon, which would make a real big mess. And how about Texas? How can you trust a place that produced the likes of Tom DeLay, George Bush, Jr., and Spanky McFarland. 

Question: Unlimited guns. Is it best that way?
Answer: Guns worry me. It's not so much owning one as it is shooting one. Another. I do understand why people get nervous about this. If we have no guns, and the state, or federal government, has all the guns, how would we ever be able to overthrow the government, should it become necessary, as called for in the constitution? This doesn't particularly bother me. I think we can easily outsmart them.

Question: Are you confident that the insurance industry can run our health-care system? ObamaCare put them in charge.
Answer: And who says Obama doesn't drink?

Question: Do you believe in the existence of life beyond the Earth?
Answer: Yes. Why would God allow only us to have all the fun? Somewhere, somehow, there has to be someone else. I do not, however, believe they have ever tried to get in touch with us. This would prove them to be extremely stupid. We would kill them, stuff them, and put them in our museums. Think about it. If you were not from the Earth, would you try to get in touch with you?

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