THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM THE INTERNET

• I apparently need a bigger penis. Or so it seems, according to my e-mails. I'm not sure how they knew.
• I can borrow money in seconds, get a credit card in minutes, and buy anything imaginable, and charge it all to you.
• You can get the news instantly. This is both good and bad. Now I know every damn stupid thing that happens, like the guy in Ohio who peed on a power line. 
• There are no rules. No one has figured out how to enforce any. I'm in favor of that. I think there are way too many rules. Rule #1: Let's get rid of some of these rules.
• Women are always making advances toward me. They must be really hard-up.
• You no longer have to talk face to face with anyone. You can be anybody, or anything, anytime you want to be. Being anonymous doesn't help truthfulness.