Wednesday, October 30, 2013


I’m thinking of buying the church down the street from me and opening a center for the recovery of right-wing Christians. I’m thinking of calling it Days of Healing. We’ll use a variation of AA’s 12 Steps:
1. Admitting you were wrong about the world and the way you viewed it.
2. Handing your life and recovery over to someone with an IQ over 50. This will require you to make new friends.
3. Come to an understanding that there are many paths to God’s door, not just Christianity.
4. Make a list of all the persons you have hurt regarding your right-wing ideology and ask for their forgiveness. This will be hard, particularly if you have children.
5. Admit that guns are not worthy of worship; that government should help the poor, not the wealthy; that a person should be elected who gets the most votes; that war should be a last resort, not a first priority.
6. Practice compassion, charity without conditions, kindness, tolerance, diversity, understanding, forgiveness, compromise, and negotiation. It’s best to confront things that you’re not good at.
7. Admit that women should have more control over their bodies than Congress.
8. Admit that all of us should have more control over our lives than Congress.
9. Humbly ask God to forgive you for misusing Christianity and the Bible.
10. Come to understand that religion and politics don’t mix.
11. Having seen the error of your ways, give away everything that you own to the poor as repentance for your misguided life.
12. Once you are over the right-wing nonsense that was instilled in you by your parents, it is your job to help your friends overcome this affliction. Live life to its fullest and be happy. You’ll be amazed at the results. You might just smile.

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