Wednesday, February 5, 2014


* In the beginning, there were no humans. And it was good. The world flourished. Then God got this brilliant idea: Why not ruin everything?
* Ten commandments are not near enough. I would have 5,354, most having to do with the rich screwing the poor.
* People mistake the Garden of Eden for creation. That was an orgy. Evolution is the creation story.
* Thou shall not kill. How much simpler can I make it?
* Do not take people like Oral Roberts, or Jerry Falwell, or Pat Robertson, or Dr. James Dobson, or Rev. John Hagee, or Jim Bakker, as spokespersons for Christ. He would have nothing to do with them.
* If God would have known people were going to get in wars over religion, he'd have never thought this stuff up.
* I have been noticing most people are not praying, they're begging. You got to quit that.
  *In the end, there was nothing left but politicians. And God said, "This is bad. Peever, why don't you take over." And a deep hush fell over the land, and a voice could be heard crying from the White House: "Oh shit!"

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