THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE PEEVER

• IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WERE NO HUMANS. AND IT WAS GOOD. THE EARTH FLOURISHED. THEN GOD DECIDED TO RUIN EVERYTHING.
• THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE NOT NEAR ENOUGH. I WOULD HAVE 2,354, MOST HAVING TO DO WITH THE RICH SCREWING THE POOR. MORE THAN A FEW ABOUT POLITICIANS. AND SEVERAL ABOUT SEX. 
• PEOPLE MISTAKE THE GARDEN OF EDEN AS THE CREATION STORY. THAT WAS THE WRITERS FANTASY. THE REAL CREATION STORY IS EVOLUTION.
• THOU SHALL NOT KILL. HOW MUCH SIMPLER CAN IT BE?
• DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE YOU HEAR CLAIMING TO KNOW "THE TRUTH." EXCEPT, OF COURSE, IF IT HAPPENS TO BE ME.
• IF GOD HAD KNOWN PEOPLE WERE GOING TO GET INTO WARS OVER RELIGION, HE OR SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT THIS STUFF UP.
• I HAVE NOTICED MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT PRAYING, THEY ARE ASKING FOR FAVORS. SORRY.
• IN THE END, THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT PUT TRUMP AND HIS MERRY BAND OF MISFITS. AND GOD SAID, "PEEVER, THIS IS BAD. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OVER." AND A DEEP HUSH FELL OVER THE LAND, AND A VOICE COULD BE HEARD CRYING FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, "OH SHIT."