THE SEVEN DAYS OF CREATION

1. DAY ONE: RIGHT-WING, REPUBLICAN, CHRISTIANS HAD TO BE CREATED RIGHT OFF THE BAT, OTHERWISE, WHO WOULD BELIEVE ALL THIS FANTASY.
2. DAY TWO: TREES WERE CREATED. HOW WOULD WEYERHAEUSER MAKE ANY MONEY. A LIFE WITHOUT TOILET PAPER?
3. DAY THREE: ANIMALS WERE CREATED FOR THE PLEASURE OF THE NRA. THEY MAKE A GOOD EXCUSE ON WHY TO HAVE SO MANY WEAPONS. AND NOAH WOULD HAVE BEEN SHIT OUT OF LUCK.
4. DAY FOUR: ON DAY FOUR, WATER WAS CREATED. HAVE YOU EVER GONE FOUR DAYS WITHOUT A SHOWER?
5. DAY FIVE: MAN WAS CREATED. THIS WAS SOMETHING OF AN AFTER-THOUGHT, AND A BAD ONE.
6. DAY SIX: SEX HAD TO BE CREATED SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE. SINCE THE HUMAN RACE HAS ENDED UP BEING PRETTY DUMB, GOD PROBABLY HAD TO USE A POWERPOINT PRESENTATION. "LAY ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER AND MAKE A WISH. THAT WOULD BE A MALE AND A FEMALE. TRY NOT TO CONFUSE THAT. YOU MAY NEED TO DO THIS REPEATEDLY, AND TRY NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.
7. DAY SEVEN: NO SELLING AUTOS OR BEER ON DAY SEVEN. NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE THIS OUT, BUT I AM THINKING GOD GOT DRUNK AND BOUGHT A CLUNKER ON DAY SEVEN.