Monday, March 3, 2014


I'm thinking of buying an empty church down the way from me and opening a center for the recovery of right-wing Christians. I got a catchy little name, "The 12 Sundays of Healing." Sort of a variation on AA's 12 Step program.
 Sunday 1: Admitting you are wrong about the world and the way you view it.
 Sunday 2: Handing your life and recovery over to someone with an IQ above 50. This will require you to find new friends.
 Sunday 3: Come to an understanding that there are many paths to God's door, none of which you are traveling.
 Sunday 4: Make a list of all the persons you have hurt regarding your right-wing ideology and ask for their forgiveness. This will be hard, particularly if you have children.
Sunday 5: Admit that guns are not worthy of worship; that government should help the poor, not the rich; that war should be a last resort, not a first priority; and most importantly, get off the "holier that thou" crap. It's stinking up the environment.
Sunday 6: Practice compassion, charity without conditions, kindness, tolerance, diversity, understanding, forgiveness, compromise, and negotiation. It's good to confront things you know nothing about.
Sunday 7: Admit that women should have more control over their bodies than males with little dicks.
Sunday 8: Admit that all of us should have more control over our lives than right-wing Congressmen.
Sunday 9: Humbly ask God to forgive you for misusing Christianity and the Bible.
Sunday 10: Come to understand that religion and politics don't mix.
Sunday 11: Having seen the errors of your way, give away everything that you own to the poor. Do this in remembrance of Christ.
Sunday 12: Once you are over the right-wing nonsense that was instilled in you by your parents, it is your job to help your friends overcome this affliction. Live life to its fullest and be happy. You'll be amazed at the results. You might even laugh and smile out loud.

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