Friday, November 9, 2012

How to Make The Most Out of a Bad Situation

  • If you get caught with your pants down, blame it on your tailor. If you don't have one, get one, quick.
  • If someone fingers you while you're driving, blow them some kisses, in a happy, gay kind of way.
  • If you get diarrhea, consider doing a stain removal commercial.
  • If you get in the wrong line at the funeral home, tell the relatives of the deceased you're that long-lost cousin from Kentucky. The one who married his sister.
  • If you're being held up, ask for a receipt. You can report it as a gambling expense. You took a chance on mankind and lost.
  • If your preacher's giving you hell for sinning, ask him why the choir director's kid looks just like him.
  • If all else fails, join the military. Travel to new places. Meet new people. Kill them.

No comments:

Post a Comment