Saturday, January 26, 2013

How to Die With Dignity

  • Don't let a doctor anywhere near you.
  • Don't whine. Everybody dies.
  • Make sure all your business is in order. You don't want the family fighting over your stuff before you take your last breath, do you?
  • Don't let any lawyers in to visit you, at least not when you are about to die. God wold surely not think much of that.
  • Stipulate in your will that your final medical bills not be paid. It's always good to get the last laugh, even though it may be a little late.
  • Right when you are ready to take your last breath, yell out, "Forgive me." That will keep them thinking.
  • Just about the time I'm ready to go, I'm going to request a sponge bath. Just my luck, there will be a male nurse on duty.
  • I hear the moment you die, you poop your britches. Somehow, that seems like a good summation of the whole thing.

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